I love the BYU / yewtah rivalry. Though it has caused me a great deal of pain in recent years, I have found that it is much more fun to dish out "smack talk" before the game rather than after. Yes, yes, I may have to eat a portion of crow if the yewts actually pulled out a victory in LaVell Edwards Stadium this year
Enjoy.
If you need a laugh… Here are some of my favorite jokes (feel free to add your own--as long as they are clean):
Story format Jokes:
Joke # 1-- Kyle Whittingham, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around when they came to a modest little house with a faded Utes flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity," said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here."
The coach felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion that had a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous BYU Cougars flag, and in every window was the BYU logo.
The coach looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach. I went to bowl games, sent a bunch of my players on to the pros, and I turned around the entire Utah football program."
God said, "So, what's your question?"
"Well," said the coach, "why does Bronco Mendenhall get a better house than me?"
God responded, "Oh that's not Bronco Mendenhall's house, that's mine".
Joke #2:
...One foggy night, a BYU fan and a Utah fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Provo. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Utah fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Cougar fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Utah fan walks over to the Cougar fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Cougar fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Cougar fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Ute fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Ute fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Ute fan hands it back to the Cougar fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Cougar fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Here are a few question and answer jokes:
A: Three. One person to actually change the light bulb. And two to sit
around and talk about much better Urban would have been at changing it.
Q: What do the Yewts & Possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home (and get killed on the road)
Q: Where do you go in SLC in case of a tornado?
A: To Rice-Eccles Stadium - they never get a
touchdown there.
Q: How do you keep a Yewt Football player out
of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why was Andy Ludwig upset when the
Yewts offensive play book was stolen?
A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it yet.
Q: What's the difference between the
Yewts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get 4 quarters out of a
dollar bill.
Q: How many Yewts does it take
to win a National Championship?
A: Nobody knows and we will never find out.
Incidentally--if there is ever any question about which school Elder Holland has an affinity toward, remember what he said a few years ago about the two:
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland on BYU and Utah: "When you say University of Utah graduate or equivalent, what do you mean by "equivalent?" Do you mean two Utah State graduates, or one BYU graduate working part-time?"
June 1998 Mission President's Seminar.
5 comments:
Heh, these are great!! I unfortunately don't have any to add ... but the in-laws visiting will enjoy my telling these.
Ha! These are GREAT!! Love it! Go Cougs!!
BEWARE OF WOLVES IN SHEEPS CLOTHING!!!!!
Today is a beautiful thanksgiving morning. 32 degrees and clear skies. I woke up just before 4:00 a.m. All was peaceful and well. I made two pumkin pies, dressing for the turkey and vegetables to enjoy at my mothers thanksgiving feast. At 7:00 a.m. with the smell of fresh baked pumpkin pie filling every nook and cranny of the house and the air still as cold as a BYWho coed, I went out side and fired up my 1942 model 2A Ford Tractor, and comenced to plow up my garden. All seem fine until my neighbor, a former BYWho coed, opened her window and started screeching things like, "Jim you butt-head!!!!! Turn off your tractor." I didn't pay her any mind and continued plowing. Due to the cold temperature and heavy frost, the ground was as hard as a BYWho alum's head, and absorbed about as much. Still there was much to be thankful for on this day and my spirit continued to soar as I plowed up and down the field much like what the Utes will do on Saturday. At 8:00 a.m. I had a shower and headed to my mothers house, with my pies, dressing and vegetables (home grown of course)to help get the potatoes peeled. With my spirit still soaring I entered the door to the family room and found my misguided niece & nephews watching TV tunned to KBYWho, watching a rerun of last years football game with the Utes. My body went in to convulsions and I nearly had a grand-mal-seizure. Does BYWho play this game in a continual loop at the Wilkinson Center, much like the Jim McMann pass at the Holiday Bowl of so many years ago. Finally after 30+ years the BYWho Fan can now spend the next 30 years keeping their minds occupied on the last play of last years game. They may even be able to put John Becks name in their beloved Hall of Fame, unlike old Jimbo, who when not on the grid iron was only thinking about, "B", double "E", double "R", "U", "N", while the honor code committee looked the other way.
Still with a resolve to maintain a good aditutde through out the day, viewing the obscene and almost ponograghic crap that KBYWho was airing, cast a heavy shadow on my spirit, much like going to an "R" rated movie.
Remembering what my grandmother often taught me about looking on the bright side on things, I headed for home about 11:00 a.m., with a smile on my face, to pick my family up for diner. When I recieved on my cellular phone a call from a Mr. Fosters mother-in-law. With a quiver in her voice, & on the verge of tears, she express deep concern about the crap her son-in-law was posting on his blog.
Inquiring what he had written, she would not say. It was obviously to misguided and unnerving to speak. With now a trouble heart, I continued home to read the blog for myself.
Following the words of a living Prophet, "Read only that which edifies and uplifts the soul", I stopped reading the blog entry, so as not to develope a negative attitude, like that of the blog's author.
About 12:30 a.m. I arrived back at my mothers house for dinner, where I found my thoughts again heading in a positive direction.
Around 4:15 p.m. I arrived a the Boardman home, where I found the previously mentioned Mother-in-Law in much better spirits after having a delicious dinner and visiting with numerous Ute Fans. Her Spirit was bolstered when she was reminded that Utah has won the last 6 out of 7 games at Lavell Edwards field. With a record like that no wonder they are known as BYWHO!!!!!!!!
After much pondering on what it is like to attend BYWho, I came to the following conclusion: BYWho vs U of U, is much like God's Plan of Happiness. There was "Gods Plan" and "Satans Plan". Attending BYWho is much like "Satan's Plan". You are told what to do, when to do it, and how to think, not being allowed to make your own decisions.
When you understand this, it is no wonder then, that BYWho has put so much effort into being undefeated in conference play, so they can celebrate in Las Vegas, where the true colors of BYWho fans can be expressed. "Pride", "Worldliness", "Idoltry", "Adultry", "Money Grubbing", etc. while the Utes go to San Diego, to mingle among the Laminites, a chosen people.
My deepiest concern goes out to Mae, Ian, Lindsey, jud wooters and heather who are being led astray by half truths spread by one of Satan's Angels, Known to most as "Brad Foster". BEWARE OF WOLVES IN SHEEPS CLOTHING.
With Mr. J.J. Bennett as my witness, I discovered Mr. Fosters true colors while playing the game "Settlers". Always changing the rules, to serve himself, at the expense of others.
!!!!!!!!!!!!GO UTAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely
Jim
This email is being passed around the family and I was asked to post it on behalf of Jim & Wendell.
This here is Jim Tripp. And following is my post game
thinking. Im using wendells computer to write this, because I can sit in an easy chair to effect this "not so easy cathartic task". OK Ill get right to this. I simply cannot take another year of denial like I did last year. Last year when the Y won, I tried to be brave, thinking that it was just dumb luck at the last of the game. I based my whole existence on this thinking, and it actually retarded my eternal progression! Oh this is so hard for me to have to eat the crow that I am about to partake of, but in order for me to retain any of my dignity, I simply must bare my soul. I first must appologize to you Brad, the vitriolic things that I taunted you with were purely in bad taste, and very thoughtless. I am even looking up the name and number of a good sensitivity counseler right now so that I dont change my mind about this whole thing. I really dont know what else to do here, and
for the good of my family and work mates, I have to do this! Wendell should try this same proceedure out on his issue with dogs! But this is about me. I am hereby asking anyone to write me back with a right to rebuke me to the very core of my pathetic pridefull former self. I am even questioning my political leanings! Is it possible that I have even been wrong about Al Gore! I am so ashamed of myself. Well Ill try a few things here, and want to publically committ to turning my raging red color of anger to a more soothing shade of blue. Furthermore I am selling my house in Davis County, and am looking for the peace and quite of a new home in Utah County. As for my family, they will also forsake this foolish tradition of believing in a false concept, and will follow me in this better way. All I can say for now is that I now know a new and better way.
Please forgive me,
Jim Tripp
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